Here at home, each day passes like three days. I thought about writing a decade, but then, why exaggerate for nothing. But its true that after hopping all day and night without any rhyme or reason during my stay at the hostel, it is a little tough to behave like ultra civilized human beings who keep vigil of everything, from when to wake up, when to take a bath, when to go to play, when not to, when to have the meals, when to go to bed, just about everything except of course, when to go to the loo.
And yesterday I went to the college again, not because I was missing it, but I had a room to be surrendered. Yeah, that’s right. This is what we call it when we formally close the pot of evil and shift its keys in the hostel attendant's butt. When I did reach there for a supposedly 5 minutes affair, the attendant put on his James Bond cap to have a sharp look at my room, and take the prizes for catching the 'wanted'. He poked into every little portion of every little drawer while I wrote the required application he is supposed to collect and forward to the warden. 'Shrewd me!', he must have patted his own back.
''Cigarette!'' , he shouted as if he saw an anaconda, one Godzilla and a dinosaur all fighting each other for a chance to kill this attendant.
"kya", I exclaimed rather tensed since a cousin was around this time.
" cigarette! cigarette! cigarette!", side effects of watching too much of Ekta Kapoor stuff in the TV room were already showing on his face and his language.
Now, I do not smoke. Yes, even after a good two years at hostel. But I am not Ramdev-ish enough to stop each and every guy who comes around, in my presence or absence, to this room to stop doing things he loves to do. Besides, quite often the guy with a cigarette in one hand he has a can of beer in the other, with which I have nothing to do either. Oh no, not all people who don't drink beer are dumb. Its just their choice. Choice, you know. The thing which those who drink it have. Similarly these guys who don’t have it too. Infact its this choice that they are exercising. And they don't need to visit paida-kyu-hua.com. Not really. But equally often he has a fountain pepsi with him , and I never said I never sip into other folks' pepsi. Yeh dil maange more.
"arre bhaiya kisi aur ki hogi, mujhe nahi pata".
To make matters worse, I have no official roomie. The one who stayed with me was another hostel's inmate, whom I called to live with me since I was alone in my double-room.
"arre tumhare room par padi hai ye, aur koi saath bhi nahi rehta yahan to ladka, to ham kya pagal hain , ya tum zyada hoshiyaar ho.", he retorted.
"kisi ne fenk di hogi yaar, main kya karoon"
"yaar kisi aur ko bolna, tumhe hostel se nikaalne ki taakat rakhte hain hum", he said. At first it seemed he was trying to pump himself with an ego-boost, but then I realised it was nothing but just another ekta-kapoor-effect taking its toll on him.
But suddenly, something got to his head. He said, 'ye saara samaan jo akhbaar, photosatat vagehra hai, ye le ke jaoge?'
"achha main le ja raha hoon phir"
"le jao, aur kya", I said.
" chalo, theek hai, ye saara samaan mere room pe rakh do, baaki main dekh loonga, kuch nahi hoga , apni tubelight bhi chhod dena lekin mere room pe", he said.
"achha ( hoshiyaar you are - I thought) ", I was losing interest in the unnecessary delay.
Then I forwarded my application on a desk he was standing next to, and started packing my bag as he pretended to read the contents of the application. Just when I was done, he hit back. " ye tumhara lock hai na, mere paas chhod dena, le jaa ke kya karoge ab kya lock karna hai, main dekh loonga baaki to, kuch nahi hoga ".
"Kuch to vaise bhi nahi hota." but I left my lock with him anyways, too pissed off with his unending blabber.
Shrewd he was. No doubt. What chance would James Bond stand before him ?.