Saturday, July 28, 2007

That night at the masseur's.

Training at college has come to an end. A weird end it was. On the third last day, a staff guy saw a game of solitaire being played on my computer while I was reading the newspaper. It was my partner for the computer playing that game. I saw that he saw it. I was expecting a remand. It didn't happen. The next day, this partner of mine goes on leave. And when the professor came, he was told of games being played on computer no. 7. He called me in. I was screwed for around 45 minutes and then informed about subsequent 'fails' I should be certain I'll get. All that for playing a boring little game like solitaire in the three hour slot in which we had absolutely no other task to complete. All that for playing a boring little game I never played ! Not that I don't play games while in training hours, why should I pretend to be such a good boy I am not. But its true that on that occasion it wasn't me. Its also true I never play solitaire, I play only need-for-speed, and its also true that I never get caught. But tell the professor these truths and he makes such frightening faces, and saliva gushing out of both the ends of his lips as he scowls, and all he can think of that moment is 'suppli suppli suppli, chahe jis se bhi keh dena, HOD se, principal se, sab mujhe jaante hain main kya cheez hoon'.

It's another thing that about half an hour later he aggresively asked me if I, like other students in the past, am gleefully willing to offer them a party at the close of the training month together with more students from my class. As he changed tracks, the flowing saliva rushed back on his tongue while he visualised smelling the dishes he will be served, and then overflowed again as a result of excess of visualisation. It was a classic example of high pressure - low pressure - high pressure sequence of fluid flow. He is the fluid dynamics professor, so you know how much pain he takes to illustrate his topics in a real setting. In this new mood, his expression changed swiftly from one scary Sadhu Yadav to one smiling Rajpal Yadav. And he promptly remarked, ' tum to mere bete jaise ho, mujhe kya achha lagta hai aise tumhe punish karne mein he he hu hu ha ha ha'.

In one other development, one helluva kewl rocking sexy dude ( this data from his previous orkut testimonials ) offered to add himself to my orkut fanlist if I wrote him a testimonial that would make him win over his Pinky and eventually give him his first kids. And before I could answer this much, in negative or affirmative, he, presuming I cant decline this helluva offer, starting giving me exact directions along what lines I should keep the testimonial - ''thoda banda bond bhi lage yaar samajh raha hai naa, aur intelligent bhi, matlab studious nahi, bas gifted type ke intelligent nahi hote vaise, aur vaise poora harami bhi hai, tu samjh raha hai na kaisa likhna hai'', he knew exactly what he wanted, a quality often attributed to fine film directors. Overwhelmed by his offer, I told him I was willing to wash his undergarments for the next 3 months for that, leave alone a mere testimonial. He didn't persist any more. I think he got the gist. Smart boy. So I wrote him a testi - " SMART BOY ''. Ofcourse he didn’t accept. And didn’t become a fan. I cried lakes of tears that night. And then I thought - why not take a bath in it, as it is its been so many days. I wonder how some people survive months without bathing, I get itches after every two weeks and then just can't resist taking a nice long bath.

Don't mind the title. Nothing to do with the post. Couldn't think of a more seductive one.