Ghazal maestro Ghulam Ali was in Delhi yesterday for a concert on Eid eve and the venue was Qutub Minaar. I came to know about it at 6 pm and the show was slated for 6.30. I quickly rang Vipin for his company for this occassion, and he didn't disappoint, like always. In five minutes I was racing my bike against the jammed roads, and getting restless by every passing second. Just when I had crossed the jam, the brakes failed, thankfully in a jammed position too. So it wasn't like I couldn't stop the bike now but that I couldn't start it. I called Vipin again to come to that spot to help me out and then we rushed to the nearby auto-workshop to get thing mended. It took a bad half hour, this brake thing. Then I raced it like I had never before, though I admit I was still way behind Vipin's jittering Bullet, to reach Qutub Minaar. Once we hopped the wired walls to get inside the seating arena, and succeeded. Only to be sent back by a hawaldar with stare and a compliment a minute later. Just when we were hopelessly going back, one guy offered us his passes for hundred rupees. That was it. I witnessed one of the most mesmerizing live performance of true genuine music I had ever seen. In this age when mediocrity is hailed as genius, and noise is called music, I was really thankful to God to have had the fortune of hearing some exceptional renditions live, atleast once.
And that was it. I decided what I have to become. Yes, I found it. I have to become an Urdu poet, or a shayar. I even wrote a nazm today, and here it is :
जिंदगी किस कदर कहती है आने दो समंदर को
इताब-ऐ-अश्क ही भारी पड़े जिसके मुक़द्दर को
कहाँ ये हौसला उसमें है आता पस्त-हौसला है जो
कि अब मसरूर है हबूत में मसरूफ होने को
क्यों उम्मीदें नही हैं वहम -ऐ -नुसरत के अलावा कुछ
खता को भी नही मिलता तगाफुल के अलावा कुछ
यह सालों की खलिश है या है ये ज़द्दोजहद कल की
कुछ मिलता भी है तो रहती है बेक़रारी-ऐ-दिल हलकी
वफात-ऐ-ग़म भी शायद हासिल कर लेते हम लेकिन
बेशुमारी-ऐ-ताबिश पहले ही हावी है हयात-ऐ-बुझ
क्या कुछ हस्ती है मेरी गैर -पेशा भी इस आलम में
तरसता हूँ वुजूद को फिर भी हूँ मौजूद इस ग़म में
कार -ऐ -कशाकश में था मैं जब किया था एक इख्तियार
तब भी इज्तिरार-ऐ-इजतिराब , जाने किसका है इंतज़ार
The following might be needed for a good comprehension:
Itaab : Anger
Ashq : Tears
Muqaddar : Destiny
past-hausla : Pessimistic
masroor : glad
huboot : decline
masroof : engrossed
vahm-e-nusrat : illusion of achievement
tagaaful : ignore/neglect
khalish : anxiey
zaddojehad : inner turmoil
beqaraari-e-dil : lack of heartfelt satisfaction
beshumari-e-taabish : immensity of sorrow
wafaat-e-gham : death from sadness
hayat-e-bujh : sluggish, insignificant existance.
gair-pesha : other than professional
aalam : universe
kaar-e-kashakash : professional dilemma
ikhtiyaar : choice/option
iztiraar : helplessness
iztiraab : perturbation/anxiety
* My mood's got nothing to do with my poem.
** Poem inspired by, this feeling. My approximate interpretation, in verse.
*** I am not going to become a shayar. I wanted to become a cricketer after India's breathtaking quarter final victory over pakistan in 96's wills world cup. I wanted to become an actor after seeing 'Pardes', an engineer after seeing 'Swades', a non-engineer after entering DCE, a ghazal singer after seeing my first Jagjit Singh concert, a cartoonist after seeing a Sudhir Tailang interview, An author/philosopher after I was exposed to Albert Camus, An IPS officer after watching 'Sarfarosh', a Hindi author/poet after reading Premchand/DInkar's works in ninth standard, a stand up comedian after watching Omar Sharif perform when in 10th standard. So just like I haven't got any closer to becoming any of these, I most probably won't be a shayar either. In short, aspirational hobbyist.
The Try .. will continue , I mean that story of the last post.