Monday, March 28, 2011

Bored into Blogging

Now the blog's design must make you think that the blogger in question studies in class four, and on being asked what class he's in, replies with a beam on his face that he is in class fourth 'D' but come April and he'll be in fifth 'E', while not forgetting to add: "which is the senior-most class of the junior school!". As much as I wish that were the case, the truth is the blogger in question is, sadly, already twenty five. A couple of weeks ago he had his birthday, but, he would like to make known that he's still keen on shamelessly accepting belated birthday wishes, more enthusiastically so if they come with something he can beautify his as yet bland and semi-furnished house with.

The next thing he would like to make known is his intention of discontinuing with the affected third-person manner of referring to himself in the post, because I think it's pretty clumsy and not very pretty.

What I'm thinking right now is that I can really waste a lot of time, and write a lot of words, without actually saying anything. And what do you know, I'm even feeling glad about it.

Here in Bombay I have been put to working night shifts at my workplace. And since you're wrong about always having thought that I work at a call center, there aren't many of us in the huge, labyrinthine office there at night. The facility that during the day accommodates as many as 300 analysts has, at night, only four of us. And since I'm the least busy of them all, I spend half the night (the other half spent working) getting up from my desk every ten minutes and going to one of the other three to ask them if they'd like to play TT for a while.

I wouldn't mind as much if they just said no. But their answers usually transform my consternation from one of boredom to one of linguistic torment. "No man" they say. This is how they talk here, everyone it seems. No man. It sounds a lot like going to a Juice shop and telling him "give me a glass of pineapple juice, Juicemaker" or going to a saloon and saying "I want a neatly cropped haircut, Barber" or going to a dog and saying "hey dog" or going to Alaska and saying "show me where you live, Eskimo." My point being, people have names for some reason. And even if it isn't advisable to take names all the time, 'Man' is no replacement for 'yaar'.

And neither is 'dude' any substitute, which happens to be their second most favourite address. Not like this dude, what are you doing dude, this is perfect dude, we have a lot of work tomorrow dude. You hear this and go in your head: Dude, don't call me dude. It is painful to see this address is so commonplace here, this address which in Delhi we employed only during sarcasm or confrontational repartee.

Ok, let's chuck that. Another thing that irks me about Bombay is how we're all so short of space here. Even the sacks at ration shops are much, much narrower, and thereby taller to fit in adequate grain, making them look like test tubes of jute. Oh, so now you think I'm nitpicking?




  1. Dear Sushant,
    You are killing Bombay for me. C'mon now, write nice posts MAN! How about the (even if crowded)beaches, sunset/sunrise spent in marine lines and well, the night life (not like yours though :|)!!
    All set for the interview?

  2. Awww!!! and I thought I was done for good with the Dudes and Babes of the world in this part of the world!! Seriously, the warmth a "yaar" has is just not there in the cold, wannabe (to me) "Dude". But their numbers are rising by the day, which is unfortunate!!

    I must also commend you for the design. I like it. Cannot be the handiwork of a Class 4 student. Has to be Class 7 at least ;)

  3. Pun Princess:

    It's not so bad that the beaches are crowded, which even Goa's are, as it is bad that they are dirty and not beautiful. The sea is beautiful, because seas always are, but the beaches aren't, because beaches aren't always.

    Marine Lines IS beautiful. It's really beautiful.

    Everyone coming to Bombay, or even talking of Bombay for that matter, who I've talked to in the last 2 months, carries vague hopes of an abstract idea of a naughty nightlife somewhere hidden between the crowded lanes and bylanes of Bombay, it seems. But frankly, Bombay isn't Amsterdam. Nightlife does exist, but only at prices that run in five figures in our native currency. Not a great bet.

    When are you coming to Bombay?


    Yes, it is unfortunate. We're heading full speed towards a cultural apocalypse, in which the more western-leaning we are, the more cultured we'll be considered. The Naveen Rais of the world will be the lords and the humble folk shall toil because of their culpable Indianness. (Raam chandra keh gaye siya se aisa kalyug aayega, hans chugega daana tinka, kauwwa moti khayega)

    When are you coming to Bombay?