Monday, June 22, 2015

Talking to myself

When I started this blog a great objective was talking to myself. I talked to myself all the time anyway, but I felt that the written form would provide more structure and clarity to my conversations with myself. The reasoning was, and to this day I believe it to be true, that just by the virtue of writing writing something versus uttering it under my breath, I am able to identify things I knew but never knew I knew. And, of course, record it for future reference. In essence, I aimed to learn more about myself and how I think about other things. This was the objective, anyway. I daresay I came anywhere close to achieving it. Because soon after I started writing here, some people started telling me I wrote well or that I was funny or something. Then I forgot all about my objective and started trying to write in a way that would be considered well-written, or hilarious, or some such thing. It wasn't just the way of writing I altered but also the content. Because, of course, it was hard to write funnily about something inherently uninteresting to any audience wider than myself. So out went the window the idea of talking to myself, and I was writing mainly for applause. In striving to do so, I started working on my use of the language, tried to strengthen my grasp of the English language grammar, spent time reading books as well as just the dictionary and thesaurus to improve my vocabulary. Even read a couple of books on style and usage - "Mind the Gaffe" and "The Elements of Style" come to mind. All this, from what I recall, was around 2007, although it continued into much of the first half of 2008. It is 2015 now, I am 29 years old, and my preoccupations have changed so remarkably that I find it not merely surprising but mind-blowing that I had spent so much time and energy on something like that, especially since now it seems like the last thing I would bother about. I'm glad I put that time, though, because if I hadn't then I wouldn't ever.

While until this time, I compromised the objective of this blog for reasons related to the unexpected positive reception that some of my earlier posts received, beginning in 2008 I further compromised the objective for reasons a tad bit more convoluted. I fell for a girl who was into poetry, and started writing, yes, poems, or whatever half-assed cousins of poems that they actually ended up being. Soon, I found myself writing not for general appreciation, but a focused admiration, from the girl I wanted. Funny thing is, it continued well into after I actually was with her. I think it is fair to say that I had got so far away from the aforementioned "objective" that it is not fair to refer to it as the "objective" anymore. The objective now was just to have her see me as a clever, deep, writer. I wasn't even going for being funny anymore, and it's safe to say that I had lost most of my natural, unrehearsed funniness as well.

Lately, and that means for the last one year or two, I have felt really free to use my blog for its original objective. I haven't had any audience now for quite some time, so it has become easy for me to not fall for the temptation of writing for an audience. On the flip side, since writing well is not nearly high on my agenda, I end up writing short, rather to-the-point snippets. This one today is probably the longest post I have written in a very long time, I think.

I went skydiving the day before yesterday, with a couple of colleagues from work. They were not really friends, not even people I work regularly with, but just a couple of guys who, by some accident of common interest, got ready to take the plunge from 15000 ft. The skydiving experience itself was something I will not write much about, because the more I write about it the more I will be understating the magnificence of the true experience. I will post a video though to record the experience for the future:

I wish I knew how to change the thumbnail image on youtube.  Anyway, can only do so much ass-saving with a face like mine.


  1. Your sky diving video (and thereby your face) fares well in general, although disappoints by not being funny enough. Sample this - Classic Sky Diving Face

    Changing thumbnails on YouTube is easy peasy.

    To upload a custom thumbnail for an existing video:
    Go to your channel Video Manager.
    Locate a video and click the Edit button.
    Click the Custom thumbnail button and upload a thumbnail.
    Once the thumbnail is uploaded, don't forget to click the "Save Changes" button.

    Some of the best conversations I have had over the years, have been with myself. However, getting to quiet myself is a different ball game altogether. How has your experience been like with that?

    10 years of blogging! I feel like I should post something somewhere sometime too.

    PS: I had no idea leaving comments on blogger have become this painful. Lost this comment thrice.

    1. Thank you for the directions, I will make sure to change the thumbnail on my video the first chance I get!

      I've had some good conversations with myself, but that doesn't say very much about my success rate, as I spend an ungodly amount of time alone. A very small fraction of these conversations are great, but I've still accumulated a sizable inventory.

      On getting to quiet myself, all I can say is I've never consciously tried that so I don't know how hard it is. I'm always quite happy to halt my conversation with myself whenever anyone else comes knocking and start one with that person, so I guess it shouldn't be as hard as it is for you.

      I never realized I'd completed 10 years of blogging last month until you wrote this. And my first thought when I read this was: so much has changed in 10 years!

  2. Let the video thumbnail be, I'd say. If anything, it brings out a sense of wonder, which is quite childlike and endearing.

    Well, one naturally gets entwined in a conversation with other people (unless he or she wants to intentionally zone out). I meant finding small pockets of nothingness in one's head, more so when no-one is around. Several well established meaningful journals like Cosmo or Elle or the website which lists everything in top-10-things-about-a-random-subject, have led me to believe that men have mastered the art of whiling away time, not thinking. If a guy is sitting by himself and someone enquires, "what are you thinking?", to which he replies with a good natured, "nothing", one must believe it. This to me is incredible and supremely baffling. I have never experienced this "nothing" world, except maybe when I am singing.

    I think I will blog on your comment section. This is as good a place as any and I have never been shy of extending my uninvited presence.

    Congratulations on completing 10 years. Your posts continue to dazzle and be confounding for your readers.

  3. I don't quite believe "nothing" is ever the true answer to "what are you thinking", be it a boy or a girl. What might be true though, and this is pure conjecture, is that boys are less engrossed in what they're thinking about in real time (because what they're thinking about, mostly, is something so trivial to them that "nothing" seems like an apt reply). Girls, on the other hand, are probably more actively involved in their thoughts, or mostly think about things that are important, or at least important to them. Again, I have no first-hand experience being a girl so this is just my guesswork in trying to rationalize what must be obviously credible findings borne out of rigorous diligence and research by the serious journalists at Elle.

    Thank you for your compliment. I'm glad (although also surprised) that you see value in the words on this url.