jeetendra aur yash chopra.... aur unke bete

Reasoning is a difficult thing to do. Because some things are beyond reason. Like why tushar and uday chose to do what they are doing. And they are doing it so miraculously well, you already know which tushar and uday I am talking about, and what they do, and well, the nation knows them. They do not know the last time they massaged the inner walls of their aching nostrils, but they know tushar and uday. Such is this medium. And it is this medium that has caught my otherwise fragile attention ever since I was a little boy who would swing his neck in pride saying as meaningless a thing as " jo kehta hai wohi hota hai " whenever some smarter and wittier class fellow would taunt me with some copybook one-liner like " zindagi jhand hai, phir bhi ghamand hai!". Ofcourse this fellow would impress the giggling girls and nose-mending boys in the process, but its films I am talking about now, if you still haven't figured it out.

I had always been this really film buff sort of a kid, resolutely insisting Dad to get a cable connection at home. This was in 1992 I guess. And there was nothing even on cable TV other than Zee and Prime-Sports, that showed some things that I didn’t understand at that time. So, I would stick to the 2-films a day routine, watching the films our local cablewallah would roll for us. That’s a time I really cherish, not all actors of the time were exactly stupendous, but I think it was the childish sanguinity that I could stand the funky chunkey pandey two times a day and still say : dhaaasu. I don’t think there were many entertainment fronts those days, no internet, no computers, no dvds , no ipods nothing, and just the two second rate 1980s bollywood stuff gave me the sort of completeness you would expect to find in Shakti kapoor when a beautiful and ambitious young lass knocks his door hoping for a shot at the next yash chopra epic drama. Hopes! They are uffff.

This extremely-psychotic-craze-for-2nd-rate-hindi-films was on an alarming rise until I saw those two milestones of hindi cinema - 'neil and nikki' and the fantabulous 'jeena sirf mere liye' and so you know the root of my irritating bitterness.

God ! Get me out of it.

My Ride

I wanted trust, Which wasn't there.
I longed for it, But they just didn’t care.
Such indifference, I thought was rare.
But what I thought, They'd never care.

I wanted to show I could pull it off
And back I got a cynical laugh
I laughed back and went ahead
Only to find, a motive dead.

I look back now, Time and again
All those hopes, That died in vain
Still hurt me where it hurts most
Still makes me feel what I lost.

I stare at the ceiling thinking every night
All that's happened, was it right?
Should I be thinking about giving now?
Or for selfish desires should I fight ?

I really want now to just rise back
To get the powers that I'd once lack
To throw my flaws rather than hide
To guide my ride on a dreamy tide.

Stay Hungry. Stay foolish.

Nothing from me.

This is the speech I think is the best piece of wisdom that would fit in 15 minutes of time. Like all things I deeply admire, I felt like sharing this one too with people I feel connected too. You know this feeling when you come back from watching a great movie, and then you really want your friend to watch it too. just because you liked it soo much. Its like that. So if you haven't already been through with this speech, please read it now. You won't repent these 15 minutes, you'll cherish them, hopefully.

So lets get started with the iconic Steve Jobs' words itself :

<

I am honored to be with you today at your commencement from one of the finest universities in the world. I never graduated from college. Truth be told, this is the closest I've ever gotten to a college graduation. Today I want to tell you three stories from my life. That's it. No big deal. Just three stories.

The first story is about connecting the dots.

I dropped out of Reed College after the first 6 months, but then stayed around as a drop-in for another 18 months or so before I really quit. So why did I drop out?

It started before I was born. My biological mother was a young, unwed college graduate student, and she decided to put me up for adoption. She felt very strongly that I should be adopted by college graduates, so everything was all set for me to be adopted at birth by a lawyer and his wife. Except that when I popped out they decided at the last minute that they really wanted a girl. So my parents, who were on a waiting list, got a call in the middle of the night asking: "We have an unexpected baby boy; do you want him?" They said: "Of course." My biological mother later found out that my mother had never graduated from college and that my father had never graduated from high school. She refused to sign the final adoption papers. She only relented a few months later when my parents promised that I would someday go to college.

And 17 years later I did go to college. But I naively chose a college that was almost as expensive as Stanford, and all of my working-class parents' savings were being spent on my college tuition. After six months, I couldn't see the value in it. I had no idea what I wanted to do with my life and no idea how college was going to help me figure it out. And here I was spending all of the money my parents had saved their entire life. So I decided to drop out and trust that it would all work out OK. It was pretty scary at the time, but looking back it was one of the best decisions I ever made. The minute I dropped out I could stop taking the required classes that didn't interest me, and begin dropping in on the ones that looked interesting.

It wasn't all romantic. I didn't have a dorm room, so I slept on the floor in friends' rooms, I returned coke bottles for the 5¢ deposits to buy food with, and I would walk the 7 miles across town every Sunday night to get one good meal a week at the Hare Krishna temple. I loved it. And much of what I stumbled into by following my curiosity and intuition turned out to be priceless later on. Let me give you one example:

Reed College at that time offered perhaps the best calligraphy instruction in the country. Throughout the campus every poster, every label on every drawer, was beautifully hand calligraphed. Because I had dropped out and didn't have to take the normal classes, I decided to take a calligraphy class to learn how to do this. I learned about serif and san serif typefaces, about varying the amount of space between different letter combinations, about what makes great typography great. It was beautiful, historical, artistically subtle in a way that science can't capture, and I found it fascinating.

None of this had even a hope of any practical application in my life. But ten years later, when we were designing the first Macintosh computer, it all came back to me. And we designed it all into the Mac. It was the first computer with beautiful typography. If I had never dropped in on that single course in college, the Mac would have never had multiple typefaces or proportionally spaced fonts. And since Windows just copied the Mac, its likely that no personal computer would have them. If I had never dropped out, I would have never dropped in on this calligraphy class, and personal computers might not have the wonderful typography that they do. Of course it was impossible to connect the dots looking forward when I was in college. But it was very, very clear looking backwards ten years later.

Again, you can't connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking backwards. So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future. You have to trust in something — your gut, destiny, life, karma, whatever. This approach has never let me down, and it has made all the difference in my life.

My second story is about love and loss.

I was lucky — I found what I loved to do early in life. Woz and I started Apple in my parents garage when I was 20. We worked hard, and in 10 years Apple had grown from just the two of us in a garage into a $2 billion company with over 4000 employees. We had just released our finest creation — the Macintosh — a year earlier, and I had just turned 30. And then I got fired. How can you get fired from a company you started? Well, as Apple grew we hired someone who I thought was very talented to run the company with me, and for the first year or so things went well. But then our visions of the future began to diverge and eventually we had a falling out. When we did, our Board of Directors sided with him. So at 30 I was out. And very publicly out. What had been the focus of my entire adult life was gone, and it was devastating.

I really didn't know what to do for a few months. I felt that I had let the previous generation of entrepreneurs down - that I had dropped the baton as it was being passed to me. I met with David Packard and Bob Noyce and tried to apologize for screwing up so badly. I was a very public failure, and I even thought about running away from the valley. But something slowly began to dawn on me — I still loved what I did. The turn of events at Apple had not changed that one bit. I had been rejected, but I was still in love. And so I decided to start over.

I didn't see it then, but it turned out that getting fired from Apple was the best thing that could have ever happened to me. The heaviness of being successful was replaced by the lightness of being a beginner again, less sure about everything. It freed me to enter one of the most creative periods of my life.

During the next five years, I started a company named NeXT, another company named Pixar, and fell in love with an amazing woman who would become my wife. Pixar went on to create the worlds first computer animated feature film, Toy Story, and is now the most successful animation studio in the world. In a remarkable turn of events, Apple bought NeXT, I returned to Apple, and the technology we developed at NeXT is at the heart of Apple's current renaissance. And Laurene and I have a wonderful family together.

I'm pretty sure none of this would have happened if I hadn't been fired from Apple. It was awful tasting medicine, but I guess the patient needed it. Sometimes life hits you in the head with a brick. Don't lose faith. I'm convinced that the only thing that kept me going was that I loved what I did. You've got to find what you love. And that is as true for your work as it is for your lovers. Your work is going to fill a large part of your life, and the only way to be truly satisfied is to do what you believe is great work. And the only way to do great work is to love what you do. If you haven't found it yet, keep looking. Don't settle. As with all matters of the heart, you'll know when you find it. And, like any great relationship, it just gets better and better as the years roll on. So keep looking until you find it. Don't settle.

My third story is about death.

When I was 17, I read a quote that went something like: "If you live each day as if it was your last, someday you'll most certainly be right." It made an impression on me, and since then, for the past 33 years, I have looked in the mirror every morning and asked myself: "If today were the last day of my life, would I want to do what I am about to do today?" And whenever the answer has been "No" for too many days in a row, I know I need to change something.

Remembering that I'll be dead soon is the most important tool I've ever encountered to help me make the big choices in life. Because almost everything — all external expectations, all pride, all fear of embarrassment or failure - these things just fall away in the face of death, leaving only what is truly important. Remembering that you are going to die is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose. You are already naked. There is no reason not to follow your heart.

About a year ago I was diagnosed with cancer. I had a scan at 7:30 in the morning, and it clearly showed a tumor on my pancreas. I didn't even know what a pancreas was. The doctors told me this was almost certainly a type of cancer that is incurable, and that I should expect to live no longer than three to six months. My doctor advised me to go home and get my affairs in order, which is doctor's code for prepare to die. It means to try to tell your kids everything you thought you'd have the next 10 years to tell them in just a few months. It means to make sure everything is buttoned up so that it will be as easy as possible for your family. It means to say your goodbyes.

I lived with that diagnosis all day. Later that evening I had a biopsy, where they stuck an endoscope down my throat, through my stomach and into my intestines, put a needle into my pancreas and got a few cells from the tumor. I was sedated, but my wife, who was there, told me that when they viewed the cells under a microscope the doctors started crying because it turned out to be a very rare form of pancreatic cancer that is curable with surgery. I had the surgery and I'm fine now.

This was the closest I've been to facing death, and I hope its the closest I get for a few more decades. Having lived through it, I can now say this to you with a bit more certainty than when death was a useful but purely intellectual concept:

No one wants to die. Even people who want to go to heaven don't want to die to get there. And yet death is the destination we all share. No one has ever escaped it. And that is as it should be, because Death is very likely the single best invention of Life. It is Life's change agent. It clears out the old to make way for the new. Right now the new is you, but someday not too long from now, you will gradually become the old and be cleared away. Sorry to be so dramatic, but it is quite true.

Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life. Don't be trapped by dogma — which is living with the results of other people's thinking. Don't let the noise of others' opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.

When I was young, there was an amazing publication called The Whole Earth Catalog, which was one of the bibles of my generation. It was created by a fellow named Stewart Brand not far from here in Menlo Park, and he brought it to life with his poetic touch. This was in the late 1960's, before personal computers and desktop publishing, so it was all made with typewriters, scissors, and polaroid cameras. It was sort of like Google in paperback form, 35 years before Google came along: it was idealistic, and overflowing with neat tools and great notions.

Stewart and his team put out several issues of The Whole Earth Catalog, and then when it had run its course, they put out a final issue. It was the mid-1970s, and I was your age. On the back cover of their final issue was a photograph of an early morning country road, the kind you might find yourself hitchhiking on if you were so adventurous. Beneath it were the words: "Stay Hungry. Stay Foolish." It was their farewell message as they signed off. Stay Hungry. Stay Foolish. And I have always wished that for myself. And now, as you graduate to begin anew, I wish that for you.

Stay Hungry. Stay Foolish.

Thank you all very much.

>

bas kuch idhar udhar ki baatein

A lot has been happening around me. And suddenly I am working more and more. I didn't expect any immediate changes in my lazy work habits, and am pleasantly surprised myself. I know I have been sharing a lot of observations these days, this is something I usually refrain from because it gives away a very wannabe-gyani image, which I don't desire. So this last observation from me. The more I started working, the more I found was there to do, the more I started learning about new things, the more things I found that are needed to be learned about, and the more all of this kept happening, the more I found I had a time shortage, and the more I sensed this, the more I pushed myself to work more, learn more, try harder. So there was a time, not long ago when I wasn't working or learning, had all the time to do these things, but still wasn't doing anything. I was free, but not happy. And now, I am working hard, more than I usually do, trying to manage every minute of time I have into something more useful. I am not as free, a lot more occupied, but still happier. I spent my entire teenage fighting with habits, analysing them, trying to incorporate some, trying to get rid of some. Looking back, I think this past fortnight or so has been right up there, alongside the most formative times of my life, the time-periods I think I gained a lot. A lot of insight, a lot of work habits, a lot of knowledge.

So much so, my mummy actually asked me to take it easy two days back, and I think such a thing has happened with me after four to five years , so I just spent the day roaming around, and on the internet where I also created my webpage, and watching television. And I am liking it too. Apart from the Chappel-Tendulkar drama. BCCI can beat Balaji Telefilms anyday with their kahani-mein-twist antics. Just that they have been kind enough to Ekta Kapoor. Or may be they dread her. God knows. Together with Tushar kapoor, I think they are the most dreaded bhai-behen pair in the world. A pair that, when at its artistic best, can put the most vigilant of owls to sleep at nine pm sharp. Only if owls had T.V sets. Poor human beings.

Meanwhile I've grown really fond of the kind of work ethics google and apple practice and preach at their workplaces.

And it took me two years to realise it completely, to realise it confidently enough to belt it out in writing - I just hate my college. I just don't feel like I belong there. Everything about it is so superficial. There is more originality in Uday Chopra's acting, more of it even in Anu Malik's tunes. They just stacked up big concrete structures here and there, while nothing absolutely goes on inside them. Things are going on just for the heck of it. Teachers feel they are being ultra generous if they take a class of two hours for two hours, students think they've been ultra generous to the teacher if they actually sit through it. And leading both students and teachers, are the staff-workers who are impartial in their lashing-outs against students and teachers alike. With the kind of slowly-slowly state of affairs with which things progress here, I seriously think I could wrap the remaining two years of the course in six months and move on and be happy, but they wouldn't let that happen. Just two more years, I keep telling myself.

I've been hitting dcetech lately. For those of you who are not aware of it, and that’s the way it should be for all of you I guess, it is a web forum where the future engineers of my college just quarrel over any topic under the sun, and most of the times it can be associated to their future and their plans and their goals. Although anything constructive hardly, if ever, comes out of those 'uski kameez meri kameez se zyada safed kaise' discussions, the gist I get is somehow, everyone's quite concerned about their respective lives-to-come. So that in a sense was an eye opener for me, because it hinted me to sometimes think of future too rather than dreaming and analysing the past all the time of the present. So, for a change I did some future planning as well. I thought what I would name my kids. Not that I zeroed in on any names particularly, all I could decide was I wouldn't name them Tushar if it’s a boy or Ekta if it’s a girl. And some short term future planning about what to eat for dinner, and which movie to watch this weekend also ensued. Here i zeroed in on 'dum-aloo' and 'zaalim bhootni' in keeping with my polished and cultivated eating and film-watching habits.

I've never been to kumbh mela snaan or suryagrahan snaan at kaashi, but there are two snaans I know are splendid. One is when you make the switch from cold to hot water at the onset of winters and the other, when you switch from hot to cold water on some day of early summers. I made the switch a week back and I was happy like a pig on a honeymoon to outer delhi's central sewer. Perhaps even more. Grrrrrrrr..

Thats it for now.

Difference that Indifference makes ..

Midsems are over. To be really honest, after all the talk of starting the prepn 6 days in advance to 3 days prior to 2 days, I finally began those preps exactly six days back i.e. Sunday evening. Monday was supposed to be my first paper. So that makes it starting half a day in advance. Yeah, finally I could still complete my syllabus, but it wasn't 30 minutes before the papers started, as I mentioned in my last post. This time it was infact 2 minutes into the exam durations that my prepn continued. I was ready to trade that amount of time for prepn rather than writing the exams as I was sure, with not much knowledge to throw at the answer sheet, I'd anyways finish these tests 15-20 minutes before time. 5 days 5 tests and they are over now. I will score, I think, more or less the same marks I have been for all this time I have been in college. I am not worried about staying in the 65-70 percent bracket. Infact, I am not worried about the results part of it. What worries me more, is that I have lost the urge. I just don't feel like going for the kill. I never find myself motivated so as to say - oh I am gonna master the concepts of kinetics of machines course. Or - I am gonna make sure I get all my doubts answered. I have never been this results are everything guy. And maybe that’s why I never got them. I don't get any pinch of pain when I discover just out of the exam hall that this silly mistake just cost me five marks. I never did. But that is one trait that still does not worry me. Infact I am never keen on discussions outside the exam hall about the exam that just got over. All that said, what really concerns is this, That I have lost the urge to learn. I have lost the urge to do well in what I am doing. I am doing an engineering course. And I am doing nothing else. So in a somewhat distorted sense - its my only and full time occupation. What worries is that I am not doing it well. What worries more is that nothing motivates me to want to do it well.

Speaking of results takes me into flashback mode. The only time perhaps I really craved for a great result was when I sat for iitjee. I remember being shattered to tears and silent screams when those red lines on the website read - the candidate with roll no. xyz has not qualified. I felt I let my parents down. Because I knew I could have done a lot better. Because I did not do justice to my own potential, and my parents' pains and support. But this is still not a memory that would worry me. I tried to go for it again, this time getting a no-good rank which offered the worse of iit courses and some pretty okay ones of it-bhu and some good ones of ism-dhanbad. Ofcourse you are not bound to be familiar with these last two college names unless you've gone through the iitjee grind yourself. This time I had done nothing great either, but I didn't feel any shatters. I didn't feel sorry for anything. I was indifferent. This is precisely what worries more.

An indifferent man with dying urge to excel.

Apart from that, I am really disappointed with india's performance at the world cup. I don't know what went wrong. But this performance certainly means I won’t be watching the rest of the world cup except, maybe, the finals. Ok, add the semi-finals too. :)

Hai nahi jo dikhaayi deta hai

Aaine par chhapaa hua chehra

Tarjuman aaine ka theek nahi

what this budget means for you ?

I really don't know yaar. nothing about the budget. sorry folks.

Just came here because I hadn't really blogged for some while except for that holi gesture in between. So thought to just go and start typing. I do not have anything in specific to talk about as of now. Lets see if something meaningful comes out as I keep on hitting the keyboard's keys. But one thing is sure, I will post no matter what mumbo jumbo comes out of it. So, read it at your own will. There is no risk here, though.

Midsemesters are a week away. Haven't started anything at all. This is a rather oft-heard phrase in college and school circles. But a lot of the times when people say they haven't started anything, it actually means they still have to revise some parts of these three subjects. And the second revision of about two subjects will be impossible to carry out. But with me it means I have no idea of the syllabus, don't know what books to refer, what portions to do and what not to. But I still don't change this habit because it has never really harmed me very much. I somehow manage to pull it up half an hour before the exam. Maybe this habit is a 'disaster waiting to happen'. I hope it never does.

I have been reading quite conflicting and mutually contradicting stuff lately. While I have been reading a lot about work ethics and all by stephen r covey, at the same time I really enjoyed bertland russell's praise of idleness. I read a bit about psychoanalysis, dream interpretation, subconscious mind and NLP. I don't know why, but whenever go through this stuff, it fascinates me more and more. Also went to a bookstore for Jagjit singh's biography but the in-excess-of-thousand pricetag gave palpitations to this guy of limited resources and unlimited wants.

By the way, it was my birthday yesterday. Thank you thank you. Bas bas theek hai. I have been eating a lot of outside heavy food these days and I think its now showing visually as well as kinetically.

Watched star news after a long time. And thought that the time could have been longer. I mean what was the hurry. I could have made my case strong for the sensible-boy-2007 award for keeping away from this nuisance. But I did watch it today. And these are the headlines - mallika sherawat burqey mein !!! Dharmendra mishra - call centre employee ya Bhagwaan !!! bhai bana behroopia. Aur kya saari bataun ?

Yes, watched some films too. Most notably forrest gump. Liked this one a lot. Had been thinking of watching it for some time but never had the availability, time and mood together at one time. Didn't understand a few things though. And to let you a little insight. The makers i.e. paramount didn't pay the original's writer - winston groom - any royalties explaining this film was a failure commercially. And it won 6 oscars. All this just to tell I also surf wikipedia. Goodboy.com.

And am just thinking about mba preparations sometime in near future. Although there are people who advice me - pehle kuch kiya karo phir sabko bola karo, aise bhompu mat bajaya karo. Badboley kahinkey. - but I still don't get it. I still can't make myself come to terms with the suggestion that saying it prior to starting it will make any difference. Adamant. Stubborn. Obstinate. Dekha maine do teen synonyms seekh bhi liye. Woo hoo !!!

This song's playing on itunes :

''apna gham leke kahin aur naa jaaya jaaye

ghar mein bikhri hui cheezo ko sajaya jaye

ghar se masjid hai bahot door, chal yun kar le

kisi rotey hue bachche ko hasaya jaaye''

I like it.

Chaloon phir.

Lets play Holi

Do me a favour lets play holi !

Here’s wishing all of you a cheerful and pepped up Holi.


And don’t waste your paani ke gubbare on drunk strangers who just don’t mind getting wet. Rather lash them out on neatly dressed shipshape ones, because they just might feel like getting into the groove then.

As for non-strangers, you know them well to decide whether they are the gulaal aficionados or grease enthusiasts.

But do play it.
And don’t get into troubles.

Rang barse.

Pessimism isn't dreary

Life's through a lot of hullabaloo these days. Twenty days back, had someone asked me - although its another thing nobody even asks .. and these everyday questions are also a part of hypothetical assumptions in this bloggers' rocking lifestyle - so how's it going for you ? Then I would have answered - not good at all. But ask me today - so how was it going twenty days back ? - now this looks like a typical hypothetical question - and I'll answer - wonderful. Such is the state of my pessimistic mindset. A long lost school friend called me up yesterday and I was cheerfully surprised that my mobile actually rung. And you need not be a disbeliever to resist digesting this last line. Actually, even I, at first, kicked my roommate out of his highly audible and ear friendly sleeping state as I thought it to be his phone ringing. It was only after he became even more alarmingly ear friendly after getting up that I realised it was my phone that was ringing. On cloud nine I was and I started searching like mad my mobile trying to sense where the sound was coming from. As soon as I began this modus-operandi, the phone stopped ringing. The roommate remarked - 'bad luck'. Subconsciously I tended to agree with him to the T with his remark but I forced myself to answer - 'shut up you fool ! At least it rang today. Shakal to achhi nahi hai baat to achhi kiya kar.' He stared at me with anger, I answered 'oh galti ho gayi … ab chhod bhi yaar' with my eyes. To another utter surprise , he relented. So after jumbling through mattresses and bedsheets and pillows and tables and chairs and suitcases, I found my phone right next to the dustbin. Sending all inhibitions to the dustbin, I picked my phone from next to it. Saw the number and decided to dial back whoever it was, however was somewhat sceptical that I'd get to hear - '' haan bhai bakhshi bol raha hoon, aaj tune call back kaise kar li … achha samjha .. Maine number jo badal liya hai''. Now this bakhshi is a real narbhakshi who'll bore you into suicide with his phonecall even when at his fascinating best. Happily, when I called, it was some voice I failed to recognise. He told - and I got - he was a school friend as I have already mentioned. After ten minutes of conversation in which he blabbered - 'aur kya chal raha hai' - 'kabhi milte shilte hain' - 'tu to bhool hi gaya *&^%$' - 'koi bandi vandi set kari' - 'aage kya karne waala hai', he finally said something that provoked thoughts -' arrey S*****t, I used to think you were an optimistic guy, and I'm thinking now about how wrong my perceptions about people can go'. I was myself thinking of it since afternoon - my lack of hopes - but still decided to change the topic. I knew I couldn't change myself (pessimism again ? ) but I could at least change his newly acquired perception of me ? Hoping so, I cracked a few jokes and I felt light when he actually laughed hard at them. Just when I thought I had pulled off this mission impossible, I don't know what urged him to ask me - '' do you watch horror movies'' and then took some names as unfamiliar to me as victories to Zimbabwe's cricket team when I answered - ' oh I have seem some Ramsay stuff like shaitaan ka kankaal and aadamkhor hasina'.. He cut me short and asked - 'do you believe it, I mean tujhe vishvaas hai bhoot hotey hain' and I said ' yaar bhoot to hotey hongey par films mein jab dikhateein hain ki jesus christ ka cross ya shiv ji ka trishul dekh kar bhoot bhaag jaatey hai, is baat par vishvas nahin hota'. I can guess what he took of this statement of mine when he exclaimed - 'you're gone. Tera kuch nahin ho sakta. You pessimist, hopeless fellow.' and ended the call. Sigh. Bad luck again.

Although every word in the preceding text smelt of pessimism, I still feel it didn’t smell of dullness. And isn't what I just said in this previous line the height of optimism. Isn't it .

Impossible is nothing.

Haughty is not naughty

Something has seriously gone wrong with people. I have written about it here and there but in bits and hilarity. But somehow, the excessively frequent recurrence of such ridiculously wasteful attitudes among a hell of a lot of people my age has really vexed me up. I would usually not use negative adjectives for other people, be it in generalisations or particularly, more so at a public vent such as a blog. This outlook is largely because of my upbringing which repeatedly asked me to not consider myself superior (or inferior for that matter) to others. We do not have to be all equals for this world to become a better place. Rather, behaving and carrying ourselves as equals would suffice, I used to be told. And this is why I would not say that the person X is doing that thing so he got to be a fool or a person Y is rubbish if he makes a statement Z. Because I do not consider myself as any sort of a higher authority on wisdom. Because in the final analysis I was very comfortable with the thought process that says what's right according to me IS what's right 'according to me' and NOT the 'absolute right' for the world. It isn't any sort of confusion because to lead a life I would like to live I just need a set of values which are right 'according to me', which are right 'for me'. As long as my conscience is clear to me, its more than fine to lead a life according to my set of values.

As I wrote all that I wrote in the preceding paragraph, it looked all right and good and great to me, I can't say for others.

But I won't say - I don't give a damn what people reading it think. I would not at all say - I don't give a shit what people reading it think. And I would never say - I don't give a fuck what people reading it feel. And saying all this is precisely the mindset prevalent among most people my age that has vexed me up. This is precisely the reason why the first paragraph of this post was perhaps the most self contradicting set of words I have written as far back as my memory takes me. This is the attitude that has somewhere forced me to divert from my own outlook before I become a social misfit. Getting the topic now ?

Sceptics can rest. Nobody has told me on my face - I dun give a shit to what u think.. Neither has some X person told some Y person - I don't give a damn what S*****t thinks. In fact, to be very candid, I wouldn't have been this concerned had something of this manner occurred. Because, there is nothing to read deep with concern in statements like this, these at the most will suggest a personal discord of person X with me. Not any alarmingly unpleasant arrogance of youth.

The thing that worries is that the most visible of the youth, by and large is too stuck up in its own arrogance to create something worthwhile, to try something new, to think something constructive, and most importantly to learn something good.

Another observation that I would love to put down here is almost every time I hear or overhear the 'I-dun-give-a..' statements, it is said in defence of activities like boozing, neglecting-duties, using-foul-language, and other such noble activities. Hardly ever, if at all, have I heard these statements in defence of things like starting-your-own-business, giving-monetary-help-to-a-poor-guy and other such futile activities. And these are also things, though good in intent, that people generally object to, but why don't I ever hear the 'I-dun-give-a..' statement in response to these ones.

Another observation which is in bad taste is that these statements of people are largely targeted at people who'd care about them, wish good things for them, advice them for their good. What's tragic is that these statements are even targeted sometimes at their own parents, family et al.

Yet another thing that hurts is that what all this reflects is that people don't want to learn, they are not open to ideas, they are not receptive. Renaissance wasn't about closing all doors to traditional wisdom, it was just about questioning its pros and cons first. It was rather about getting through with most knowledge that people that time could - then question its righteousness - then accepting it and being happy if it was indeed right - or delve into greater depths to arrive at the crux of the matter - and be happy again at the end of it. I am sure everybody reading it knows all that but I am writing it because all this resistance to learning is coming from people pretending to be dressed in uniforms of renaissance flag bearers.

As Sir Conan Doyle famously wrote in the 'Valley of fear' , "Mediocrity knows nothing higher than itself while talent instantaneously recognizes genius". Alas, the people I want to ponder over all this will rather say - "I don't give a shit to what Doyle *£$*&* says". I just want to say - let us rise from mediocrity. Let us open our eyes.

If the preceding text has made you think I am really pissed off with things, that’s not the case. I am not upset, I am just concerned. To put it as accurately as I can - I could no longer remain indifferent. And feeling a little sleepy now. But before I stop, I have something soothing to say to the 'I-dun-give-a..' club.

*Learning is not compulsory :) :)

neither is survival…

___________________________________________

*Just to give credit where it is due, this last one was from Mr. Deming - a famous business writer of the previous century.

miya mithhu ki chatkaar !

So I am back at college. And henceforth will be more vella than I was during vacations. Here we are free to do whatever we like, whenever. Teachers do not stop us from missing classes, and if students don't miss classes for some considerable time, the teachers infact start missing them to make up for the balance. Yeah, the balance between work and play. Things weren't so much 'as you wish' at home. The moment tendulkar or sehwag would turn up for batting mummy used to send me for either buying milk or for checking if the watertank at the terrace is overflowing or filling up the water bottles or pasting shoe-polish on my head.. Ufff. I still don't know why mummy thinks I'll get spoilt if I watched them bat. And like loyal wellwishers of mom, they used to be back in pavilion, however fast I tried to back to the T.V. Well now I do realise mom wasn't worried about me getting spoilt but my batting technique. Ok enough bragging. As it is someone has called me miya mithhu today.

Here at college, after being away for more than a month, everyone seems fatter..maybe because of the multiple layers of clothing. I have joined a week later than all my fellow mates. And I was overjoyed when they greeted me with warmth, with energy, ekdum ''khuley dil'' se, as if all of them were back straight from an open heart surgery. In the morning itself, I saw a new girl at mechanical department, a mid term transfer from NSIT. The oh so revealing dress she was wearing wasn't quite in sync with the weather neither with people's intentions. For, once I thought about telling her, but presuming her apparent 'nobody tells me a.k.a to hell with what you think' mahesh bhatt type of arrogance, I decided to stay back. Of course the sight wouldn't have caused me dengue, it was only spreading happiness everywhere.

Meanwhile, I listened to radio after a long long time yesterday. Some loveguru was throwing love-gyan everywhere. At first it fired a spring of optimism in me. So I stuck to that station for sometime, some three four people had called in between some melodious songs, and that crook asked all of them to back out of their respective affairs. Yeh kya rishtey karaega ! - one of my friends remarked. I couldn't agree more. Changed station. Some Dr.Love was on air. I was left too hopeless to try him out. I knew he wouldn't be worse than loveguru so I could even try him out to give him an equal chance.. Par samaajseva karne ka mood nahi tha.

In between all the hi hello, the mess food has again arranged depression attacks for me. The amount of raw flour left on each of the rotis is enough to prepare naans for a baraat of thousand people. And the daal has enough water to dryclean a dinosaur but insufficient 'daal' grains to feed a sparrow.

That’s it for now, someone frustated waiting for a computer to empty is staring me like she will cut my fingers, fry it with my blood and donate this pakwaan as parshaad to her friends. Though I know, she won't be doing any modulus of elasticity blah blah project but sit down to orkut orkut chitkut. But still main yahan se kat leta hoon before she eats me up. Dracula ki bhaanji. You take care while I buy myself a mitthu.

Adios.

p.s. somebody suggest an apt title.. digest this one until then.

Jaane bhi do yaaron

I switched on the computer to delete my last post but since it has already been noticed, I let it be. It was an impulsive post. Infact I had never written one post after another in such a short time ever before. And its funny that I am writing so quickly when I actually mentioned about not doing it at all. Just to clear the air, I regret I wrote that previous post. Those were all harmless and real feelings, but I doubt if they ought to put on the blog.

I have been absent from the college since the last three days. Infact, I have hardly been there except for the token visit on eighth. Some indispensable engagements have kept me at home and its very likely I wont be able to make it to the college for the next three days as well. And now when I know its not possible, I feel like getting back as soon as anything. Never satisfied of whats on hand. If that is where I am going, I would like to correct myself at the earliest.

The metro ride on the eighth January was one after about two months for me. And I liked it to the hilt. At the kashmere gate station, while I was changing the metro, a girl, who was already in that train was confused about where she was to get down. While she intended to go to shastri nagar, and was travelling on the absolutely fine route, a rocking cool dude told her to get down at kashmere gate itself since he thought she was to get down at shastri park station which had already been left behind and not shastri nagar. Why he thought so is anybody's guess. My guess is this dude was more confused than the girl actually. Then he could have shut up. Maybe, he was very eager to help people out. Maybe he was just watched an ashaaram ji bapu ka satsang, or maybe Osho's. I don't know. But when I saw things going wrong, I asked her to stay inside as its shastri park that has been left behind and her destination was infact for five stations away.

This dude in appearance, was a 23-24 year old, was just a shade darker than kofi annan, an inch shorter to rajpal yadav, smiled like prem chopra, had a 36 inch waist, and wore a 38 inch waistsized cargo. In mentality, he was somewhere between the on screen gulshan grover and the off screen shakti kapoor, aaooooo. Suddenly that cool dude, for no apparent reason, turned hot. His facial expression seemed to suggest I have pasted a chewing gum, already chewed, on his hair. But trust me, I did nothing close to this.

He came towards me and asked - kya keh raha hai madam se.
Me- kaun madam.
Him - pointing to that girl - unse kya keh raa hai.
I was totally clueless about what wrong have I done, so I told him - bhaiya unko shastri nagar jaana hai nagar. Vo to abhi ayega naa.
He turned so fast as if he was never talking to me, went to the girl, and said - madam baitho baitho yahan baitho aapko aage jaana hai. He was so assertive she actually sat next to him.

And then he started never to stop.

He-'I am so sorry madam, kuch confusion thi'
She-'haan pata chal gaya'
He-'main nagar ko park samjha'
She-'ji'
He-'shastri nagar to hamara roz ka aana jaana hai'
She-'ji'
He-'vaha kahan jaoge aap'
She-'vaha se to kuch lekar aage gurgaon jaana hai'
He-'achha achha vahn se gurgaon bhi jaana hai, okhei (i.e. OK)'
She is quiet. And looking nervous.
He-'Life is tough naa, he he he he'
She is quiet. Found nothing to laugh about.
He- vahaa aapke relative hain?
Me- (thinking - ise kya lena hai )
She-I am going for my job. Its my first day'.
He- ji ji ji ji o ho I see. Arre badi galti ho jaati aap utar jaate toh he he he he he he he' .. He is looking as happy as I have never been. The only time I came close to being that happy was when I cleared iitjee, or when we bought our first car. He looked as if he has struck a billion dollar jackpot.
He tried to keep the conversation running and she tried to keep it short. She failed. He was unstoppable. Kawasaki bajaj calibre was put to shame.
'Kaun si company'
'Kitna pay package'
'Kitne workhours'
'Jack/ sifarish ya khud se'
'Blah'
'Blah'
'Blah blah blah'

When she got down, he was seemingly upset. He must have kicked the ground once out of the metro. Must have told himself -

Karat karat abhyas ke jadmati hot sujan
Rasri aavat jaat te sil par padat nishan

Meanwhile, a concerned father of a beautiful lass was constantly revolving his eyeballs all over the metro train, and even outside the windows, to check if anyone's gazing at his daughter. With his big black moustache, I don't think anyone did. Though they did gaze at his moustache every few seconds.

These were plain ,'as o saw it', sort of metro musings. From what I collected on Monday. I think I have written a lot abut metro now, although I have no special fascination for the metro. Jab pizza hut jaane lagunga, vahaa ka likhne mein aur mazaa ayega.

Whatsay.

logging it off

This will be my last post as a blogger. I may start writing posts again sometime in my life. I don't intend to, but never say never.

Life in blogosphere was good. It made me introspect, it made me analyse things, it made me crack jokes, it made me remember my past. I do all these things outside of blogosphere as well. I read other people's ideas about certain issues which were not in conformation with my notions. But I learnt to accept those ideas as they were. It made me receptive. This was very difficult outside of blogosphere. I feel thankful for this. :)

I made some friends here. With all respect to blogger buddies, to call them friends, in the true sense of the word, would be a misnomer, if not exaggeration. That’s simply because I never met any of them. I never knew anything about what they look like. I couldn't recognise if I crossed them at some metro station. But this was also the reason that I'd value these buddies. Because I didn't make friend with boys or girls, I didn't make friends with usernames, ofcourse , the best part is I made friends with feelings, with thought processes, with ideologies, with reactions. I value it because when I make friends with people, it is sometimes at the cost of these things - ideologies, reactions etc. Here, there wasn't any compromise. :)

There are times when we feel sad, when we find others bad, when we feel low, feel unworthy, feel frustrated, when we do not feel like communicating, when a feeling of insignificance grips us, when we feel like going into a shell. :(

Well, I don't have any such problems. Not at this point of time at least. :)

I won't blog, in most probability, because the broadband at home is being disconnected, it ( internet ) was considered to be a time-eater of sorts by the authorities ( parents ), and I didn't show any resistance, as, somewhere in my conscience, I failed to disagree. I never had the patience to check the computer centre at college for surfing. I will never have. I do not have money to shell out in the internet cafe. Here I won't say, 'i will never have' though. :)

For that matter, I wouldn't be orkutting either, but this post is just about no longer blogging. To write a post about no longer orkutting would be giving too much respect to the epidemic. :)

Vacations electrified - II/returns/reloaded

Its here. Vacations finally ending now. Tomorrow I will pack my bags back to DCE. It is really funny that I was pretty messed up and bored almost all these 35 days and still there is a tinge of sadness is my thoughts when I know that holidays are over. This feeling - ok. Just five more days. Five days is no big deal. - this is what I've been feeling all this day. All those things that were like a burden, seem 'not that bad, after all' , rather they seem pretty interesting now. I thoroughly liked my yoga session in the morning, which I joined just 20 days back and will discontinue hereafter. All these 20 days, infact I went there just 11-12 days out of twenty, I tried to find all sorts of reasons to somehow avert the days' session, but I pretty much liked it today. I felt I could lose 10 kgs, I felt I could give salman khan a complex, if I had a week more to exercise.

I am twenty and still don't know driving a car. I was never infact very enthusiastic about it especially after the tough time I had learning to ride a bike. And mummy always used to say.. See Sudhanshu can drive at 18, Archit can drive- he's just 16, Rahul can drive even though they don't have a car. Why can't you . This. That. This. That. Previously, I used to argue - this is what they have been doing all the time, flying all around delhi's hap places while I was burning midnight oil trying to learn reduction, oxidation, disproportionation, clemmanson, amplitudes, photons blah blah blah. Now I thought there was no point hiding my weaknesses behind words that were as unknown to mummy as acting to tushar kapoor. And I pledged at the beginning of the vacations that I'll learn it, rather I'll become an expert at it. I tried driving, quite reluctantly, about 3 times during the vacations, didn't make much progress, I guess I am far too overcautious about not making any road accident. Vacations over. Forget the expertise. I can't even take the U turn properly.

I am not quite excited about going to college, I have quite a few good friends there who I like to visit every now and then, even during vacations. But there are as many, infact more, guys who are plain fake. Guys, who surprisingly, act as if you know them since your previous incarnation, but won't think twice to change factions if that puts them in a more advantageous position. If one detaches himself from involvement and notices the daily drama from a neutral/ higher/indifferent perspective, it'll occur instantaneously that most are playing just one game, the one to show others down. Opportunism. Pretence. Alright, things are not as bad as in Big Boss - har daily soap ka baap. Those guys are apparently wanting to eat out each other's pancreas. Maybe its like this at most places, even in other colleges, even in offices, everywhere, maybe. But certainly not at home. Since I have to live there, I am a hosteller, its not a pleasant proposition shifting residences from home to college. There is thrill alright. We don’t have nightouts at home. we don’t talk and crack jokes till the wee hours of the morning at home. All this happens only there. There is buzz. There is kick. But there is travesty. I think I'd be better off having tea than drinking strawberry shake with dash of naphthalene powder. Hmmm I think I should try a sip. Kya farak padta hai.

And no new year resolution, so far . Tumhe koi mile achhi si to batana. Mera matlab resolution.

Happy New Year

just to wish the readers, if there are any, a happy and prosperous and happening and exciting and joyful and cheerful and rocking new year.

E N J O Y !

Vacations Electrified

Feels good to return to blogger after a break of three months. When I sat down to write today, thoughts about 'why the break when I wasn't really all that busy' clouded my grey cells. I realise now that I often presume myself to be a lot busier than I would actually be. Analysis in hindsight is always easier and more accurate, nahi? But of little use because we are not funtoosh ( watched that movie? Heartfelt sympathies.) and hence cant do time travelling to mend past mistakes. Well, I had exams in november which was perhaps a tough time since I hardly got to sleep for those ten fifteen days.

Its about a month about since vacations began, and I am so bored and vella these days that I spent two full days practicing the art of watching india TV continuously for as long as possible. The first day I managed the longest streak of 18 minutes immidiately after which I ran towards the balcony for some fresh air, did some deep breathing and tried to recollect the happiest moments moments of my life in order to lift my spirits. Finally emptying a bucket full of cold water over my head in this cold delhi weather helped matters. The second day things were hmmm, they debated and expressed their concerns about the ills and highly negative consequences of the increasing popularity and accessibility of vulgar mms among today's young boys and girls. And you know what contribution these guys made to control the epidemic, they continuously flashed them on the television screen for 45 minutes, didn't even bother to show the anchor's and debating panel' s faces which became visible only at the end of the programme . No prizes for guessing the panel - the illustrious rajat ji (nobody dare calls him just rajat) kapoor and 3 of his chelas. No prizes either for guessing my longest streak. 45 minutes 10 seconds. High on confidence, when I tried an even longer streak, I got my penalty. This time it needed 3 tablets of disprin, 1 combiflam tablet and navratna tel hair massage to help matters. Overconfidence kills. Take it from me.

Finally I was sent for a stay at a relative's place in ambala, haryana. Maybe my parents thought a change of hava-paani was necessary to contain my dubious ways. Though, it wasn't anything like a blast but my people watching habits helped. Atleast things were much better than the india tv routine. Its always an interesting scene when we get to know different kind of people. I went to a billiards n pool club daily for as long as I was there just to see and understand different kinda people, though I think the game (pool) in itself is an inch more boring than rajat ji kapoor. I met all sorts of guys out there, but the most prominently occuring variety there were the guys who were extremely proud about how spoilt they were. Infact, it seemed the debate among the boys was mostly to prove to the other fellow, whatever wrongs he might have done, he wouldn't ever match his scale of offences. To get a closer feel - ''abe [[beep]] tuney dekha ke hai [[beep]]''; ''yo kaam to [[beep]] hamne kar kar ke chhod diye [[beep]]'' etc etc… it was good fun.

Now I am back home, the boredom is somewhat under control. Every two odd days some school friend calls and after five minutes of conversation soaked with nostalgia and meeting up plans, he comes to the point - koi bandi vandi patayi kya ? And now I am tired of shouting, '' aaya mummy ; yaar baad mein call karta hoon mummy bula rahi hain ''.

Jagjit's '' aap agar in dino yahan '' is playin on winamp. Kuch khaas nahi hai.

And I am trying Aastha channel this time.

main shayar to nahin

Hurray!! Midsemester exams are now over and done with. Initially I was a little apprehensive about how well will I be able to perform because I began the preparations a lot later than other folks. But to my utter surprise I hardly faced any problem in any exam because of that.

Following is my first attempt at writing a nazm. With my long standing fascination for ghazals, I, well knew writing them would be something I'd definitely do, even if only as a hobby. It has always been like this with me, the innate desire to do by myself what I appreciate others doing. In the past this character of mine has led me to making sketches, writing hindi poems, writing short stories, playing certain sports, doing imitations, even starting this blog and now writing ghazals. So looking back, I think this characteristic of mine has only given me something or the other, it never takes from me anything except a little bit of time which I would have wasted in some futile timepass activity anyway. Now that the exams are over, I had all the time to make a sincere first attempt, so I wrote this one today.


**********************************************

''नम आँखें .....''
इतनी सख्ती तो न बरतों
के नमी आँखों में छा जाए

सच जो है, होता है कड़वा
ये जानते हैं हम ,
इसको इतना न पिलाओ के समझ
राज़ -ऐ -गुलशन आ जाए

इतनी सख्ती तो न बरतों
के नमी आँखों में छा जाए

अब तो यारों से मिलने में
भी रहती है शिकन ,
लगता है डर के कब किस बात
कोई यार खफा हो जाए

इतनी सख्ती तो ना बरतों
के नमी आँखों में छा जाए

तुमको भी तो कभी मेरी
यादें ज़रा आती होंगी,
सोचता हूँ तेरी यादों के सिवा
तू भी कभी आ जाए

इतनी सख्ती तो न बरतों
के नमी आँखों में छा जाए

***********************************************

Tagging - Vagging

I was thinking about writing a post for long now, but in the absence of any internet enabled computer and idea, there was no way I could. Yes, there is a wi-fi ( or is that hi-fi) computer centre available to us at the college, but I hate the idea of waiting for long periods for a computer to get vacant, and at the end of it when you finally get one, some dukhi aatma sort of a guy, looking more dukhi than prince's mother was when prince fell into the 52/55/60 feet(52 feet was reported by zee news, 55- ndtv, 60- star news) bore, plus I just cant describe the sort of fulfilment I experience when I get up , and his facial expression ( I never seem to remember how my facial expression was when I was hunting for a vacant computer) changes and reminds me those of grasshoppers and frogs when the first rains of monsoon come. And I suddenly feel I have done a great Karma which has taken me a step closer to moksha. All these factors put together never allow me to put more than 10-15 minutes on the net. Considering my typing speed is just an inch faster than a leopard (when he's sleeping, of course), I could never find time to post. But now that I am home, I have time, and idea has been given to me by Candid Diary, its time to complete the tag.

I am thinking about marrying katrina kaif…I just hope sallu bhai will be kind…he'z a real bhai..i just hope he remains one … and adds a behn.. Katrina. Plz visit http://www.bhaibehn.com/ … popularly known as the orkut killer.
I said see mom…govinda…patla..patla govinda…dekho naa….actually I was watching 'Swarg' right now. Seems to be a loose copy of 'Baghban'…the clever director released it ten years earlier though.
I am gonna sleep right after writing my share of crap for the day.
I want to flaunt……….only if I had a killer physique.
I wish I knew the difference between 'I want' and 'I wish'.
I love money…I always did…I realized just recently.
I cry –bachao bachao every time I see my warden.
I hear – or try my best to hear, the telephonic conversations of young coochie coochie couples…oops, is that called hearing or overhearing
I wonder – if I would be able to marry katrina kaif, how many SMSes will sallu send me…will vivek oberoi come to my rescue.. But why'll he.. I haven't even seen any one of his umpteen 'attempts' ( at acting, yaar) .
I regret – answering the section 'I am thinking about' in the way I did…god plz help me..my mobile has just received an SMS, and I hope its not his…give me the courage to open and see it.
I confuse salman with vivek…hmm maybe I confuse abhishek with vivek…not sure ..hmmm.
I dance a little better than sunny deol, OK add his dad too.
I sing 'tum to thehre pardesi' by the one and only, the illustrious, the dynamic ALTAF RAJA…I swear I sing it every day .. Even our barber does..actually that’s how I and our local barber became friends..by rocking to Altaf Raja tunes…now he gives me a ''5 Rupaye ki BHAARI CHHOOT''.
I am not always thinking about marrying Katrina kaif, I have plans about kareena as well..and yess this time no fears…shahid kapur ko to main dekh loonga..
I write crap…and love reading it..
I need to Stop now.

Of pretensions, elections and hesitations

Mid-sem exams are just two three days away and I am wasting time like anything. In mode-e-retrospect I think about the days when I used to study at least two times the topics that were covered in school on that particular day. And when some mate asked, " whats up with studies ? ", pretension game would start there and then, '' studies ? What colour is it dude ? Yaar, don't talk this crap with me'. No, I wasn't the biggest hypocrite. In my class there were those much bigger hypocrites than me, than even the ISI people. When I would be exercising yogic self control over myself in order to study for exams and not watch cricket ( why does these cricket matches always come up during exam time .. Look this cricket tournament in KL has begun now and Sachin is back on fire), one these classmates ( name withheld ) would ring me up just to say, ''hey !! Sachin's sixer was fantabulous!! wasn't it..'' and the entire yogic plus self plus control would instantly go to hell. And scorecards replaced textbooks for the next at least two hours. A few years down the line, I knew very well that this guy is not watching or playing any game other than that of distracting me, but his trick would still continue to work. Whatever, but the crux of the matter is that I was really serious about my studies. Not that I am not bothered about it now, but it is not showing in real hardwork.

The Delhi University students union ( DUSU ) election campaign was in full swing recently. Despite all talks about 'youth 4 equality' being at the forefront of protests against reservations, it failed all hands at the polls and the same old RSS supported ABVP and Congress supported NSUI grabbed all the seats, one and three 'respectively'. No 'respect' intended though. And I realised that my political understanding, after eight years of devoting myself to NDTV as far as television is concerned, it is still not anywhere in comparison to P Chidambaram's knowledge about chhole-bhature. On a more serious note, it feels saddening to live with the fact that politics, the activity that determines who our administrators will be, has nothing to do with ideas, wisdom, vision and objective and has everything to do with just power and money. No doubt they are important factors, but should they be everything ? I am not new to knowing things such as booze is thrown around to students like water at these polls, but my fundamentally conservative mind shows resistance in accepting a woman being at the centre stage of such a shameless process. Though this is also a reality I have known for years, but resistance erupts every time I come face to face with it. At 1 past midnight when I happened to meet this girl, pure accidentally, when she had encroached upon, with a band of boys, our college premises .. for votes, overambitiousness was the only definition of feminism I saw in her eyes. I 'll quote SRK now, when he recieved the filmfare power award for being adjudged the most powerful figure in bollywood for 2004 : ''Power. Power. Power. Does anyone want love.. ''

Meanwhile, time and again I have wanted to update the blog, all in vain. There are a lot of things that I wish to write here that I call off because there are people, I know, who read the blog but don't comment. And since I know who they are, I refrain myself from going into territory-e-discomfort.

Next, most probably, will be a ghazal penned by yours truly. In ten-twelve days time, maybe.

....Retrospection

Festivals, it seems have lost the vibrancy. As a young kid, I was always ultra-enthusiastic about all our festivals and considered it my must-comply duty to do whatever that can be done to bring alive the festivity. That was, alas, as a kid.

At 6-7 years of age, Janmasthami for me began at 5 A.M. and lasted till 2 post midnight. I woke up, bathed and waited, quite restlessly, for others to get up, and that included everybody in the joint family I then lived in. like a man ( 7 year old though ) possessed I'd make a list of things - lord Krishna idols and jhoola(swing), G-I-Joes, chalks, funskool toy cars, sand/mud both red and grey, paints, brushes and more -that I'd need to create a 'jhanki'(model of scenery) of lord Krishna that no other boy in the locality would even think to match. Then my brother, myself and my cousins would put our 'Nari Contractor' like architectural mind to work chalking out a blueprint-on-paper of how the 'jhaanki' would finally look like. While all this was happening, in my conscience, I always assumed myself to be the man-in-charge of the process as if wanting to write at the bottom-right corner of the jhaanki : "by: S*****t and rest".

We then went out to hunt for rait(sand) both grey and red. Grey would be the majority flooring and red path from the 'gate' should lead to 'lord Krishna on his jhoola'. As I am watching the gully from the balcony right now, I don't seem to see any lump of rait. On those days, I don't know why, but there would always be a building under construction nearby and we'd pick the rait and bajri( red sand) from there. "where there is a will, there's a way". Maybe.

I remember that the task of asking for money for our 'experiment's apparatus' was invariably left to me, maybe they thought that like this we will be more generously given money. The fact that it was always me who had to ask for money gave me a strange feeling of pride. 'had it not been for me, you'd have just managed a portrait and some mud', I would brag.

Hindsight, today, seems very very pleasant.
Today, it seems, is not even a spot on those wonderful days.

Today, I woke up lazily at about 7:30 a.m. and even that was after my mummy told me to, yes, 3-4 times. I was still lazing around and reading HT as mummy began her 'pooja' preparations. Dad asked me, 'will you fast today'. And I plainly answered : no. I think there was a time, not so long ago infact, when a straightforward NO as an answer was a big misbehaviour both by my standards and my Dad's. today, I didn't think twice. And Dad didn't say anything.

I had always been a somewhat lazy fellow. Today, I feel lazy in a disturbing way. Today, I feel guilty in a very disturbing way.

And I wish to take back the first sentence of this post because 'I don't know whom' has rightly said : "there are no uninteresting things, there are only uninterested people".

'I don't know whom'! what the hell! I don't seem to know anything...

55-year-old's RDB effect . . .

For the uninitiated, this goes for info-indispensable, that by RDB, I mean Rang De Basanti ……now I don't expect anyone to ruminate over what's Rang De Basanti. Right.

It is about yesterday, August 4 2006. After a somewhat hectic day at college, I was bursting with 'delight', when the classes ended at 5'o clock in the evening. Friday it was, and I was craving for the trip back home, especially after the 3 hour long machining workshop I was tortured to. Though college and home, both are in Delhi, the word 'trip' would still make sense, considering the journey duration being 130 minutes including changing modes of transport (RTV -> metro -> pvt/dtc bus ) two three times and most importantly the sheer volume of vivid experiences associated with it.

So there I was, as soon as classes ended, I hastened to get out of the college premises to catch the RTV. To maintain honesty in writing, adding that the 'delight' was all but gone after the 20 odd minutes in the RTV cannot be done without. 'Delight' as I mentioned in the beginning, was absolutely out, and sweat, strain, distress and pain were in. Air conditioned metro gave some respite though.

OK OK, enough of the prologue, it shouldn't get lengthier than the real content.

So here's for the real piece. At 1825 IST, I board a pvt bus from Cannaught Place. After about 15 minutes of journey, a traffic policeman on the road yells at the sight of this bus. Bus stops. A 'mujhe-haath-laga-ke-toh-dekh' type of man ( not traffic policeman ), shouts at the driver, " rak ibb(ab) bhaar(baahar) likadne(nikalne) ku(ko) bhi bolu ke(kya)."(don't know Hindi? It means "should I also ask you to get out now, sir?" ;sarcasm of course intended) Driver, otherwise no less a 'bond' himself, looks worried. Gets out of the bus. A minute later conductor leaves too. The seventy-eighty passengers in the bus are getting annoyed. Various reasons : getting late; its hot; unsure whether they'll have to change bus now; unsure whether ticket amounts will be refunded ; and meanwhile its getting hotter. Suddenly a 50-55 year old bhaisahab-banarasi, sitting with me gets heated up. Must say his hindi was pretty 'Ramdhari Singh Dinkar' type , full of JOSH. Plus his vocabulary would've put even Dinkar to shame.

He begins, 'kya vyavdhaan utpann ho gaya'? (whats the problem)

'yeh log (referring to traffic police) sabko aise hi pareshaan karte hain.' (they irritate everybody like this)

' in se hi desh ka sarvnaash ho raha hai' (they are ruining the nation).

Suddenly a sound of slap is percieved by my ears. By everyone's I think, infact. I glance out through the window. This time I don't just hear but see. One more tight slap at the pimple-ish cheeks of the conductor.

Bhaisahab gets angry like hell. A scene of Sunny Deol screaming in 'Ghaatak' reels across in my mind. He gets up. I ask, "kahan? Uncle jee"(where? Uncle.) Bhaisahab: ' bete tum vyarth ho, padhe likhe jawan ho kar bhi haath pe haath rakhe baithe ho.( 'You're useless fellow, educated but worthless'.)" Abhi salon ki khabar leta hun" (now I'll teach them a lesson).

He gets down. Agitated, I follow. Impressed, others follow.
Now twenty odd of us are down along with a driver, 2 conductors, 3 traffic policemen. Here the policeman was fondly remembering driver's mother and sisters…I'll add although I feel there's no need : gaalion ki bauchhaar ho rahi thi.

Bhaisahab enters the conversation, "kya baat hai..aap apni apni shaktiyon ka durprayog karenge kya" (whats happening..u think u can misuse ur powers.)

Policeman : re tere pet mein ke darad pad ra hai. (but why r u complaining stomach ache..we're dealing with the driver).

Bhaisahab : theek se baat keejiye, challan katna hai to challan katiye, chahe 50 rupaye ka ho ya 50 hazaar ka, par yaatri kyun vyarth mein peedhit hon ? Hum kya jaante nahi ki aap yahan apni jeb garam karne ki vyavastha kar rahen hain…yeh nahi chalega" (talk with respect give him challan, amount doesn't matter, but don't create problems for passengers. Don’t we know, u're irritating us in order to fill ur pockets)

Policeman 2 : manne ke teri poochh paadi hai…rak bawli tared chup baith ja, na dun tere bhi… rak tu hai ke be?" (what wrong have I done to you, shut up and leave, what do u think of yourself).

Bhaisahab : main tera baap.(I'm your dad)

Me: (shocked & scared) uncle chalo please bus mein .. Aa jao..driver aa jayega 2 minute mein.( uncle lets leave..driver will come in 2 minutes).

Bhaisahab : are ruko, ( takes out the phone ) .. .(now to the police) ..abhi tumhare baap se baat karata hun… tabhi tumhe akal ayegi ( pretending he's gonna call their commisioner ).." (to police: come talk to ur big daddy).

Police out of its wits …snatch the mobile phone in haste… policeman 3 says : (to the crowd), jao jao ho gaya…(to the conductor)..ja ja bus le ja tawli..chal. (go, go its done, to conductor: go go take the bus ..fast ..go)

Mobile phone respectfully returned, "sir aapka mobile."

Police: relieved, bhaisahab: on cloud 9, driver&conductor : in seventh heaven, me : confused like I'd never been, frankly never thought someone from among us would do such a thing .. And never ever thought ..that it would work. Phew.

Finally, all of us back, bus faster than a cheetah, hot weather turns pleasant… bhaisahb states rather loudly( referring to traffic police), "main inka paani bhi
Nahi peeta, aap log yakeen karenge"( I don't even drink water at their place, will you people agree? ). Bus seemed to roar with 150 hands clapping. And excitement soaked me that very instant.

Never dreamt I'll get to witness Rang De..effect from a fifty five year old. Never expected so much thrill in a journey of ticket worth Rs.7 … for which I bought a Rs.5 ticket… ha ha ha ..yara da tashan dekh lo.

A finishing without this won't do :

Khalbali hai Khalbali
HAI KHALBALI !!!

Delhi metro's matchless passengers..

Though I stay at the extraordinary ( hmm for beginners extraordinary::1: entities/people which/who possess extra qualities as compared to the ordinary variety of their respective species; 2: entities/people which/who possess ordinariness in extra quantities) hostels of Delhi College of Engineering, I have to make frequent (twice a week) metro rides commuting to and from home during weekends. These metro rides gave me experiences that, perhaps , 3-4 years down the line, will traumatise me when I sit down to write my gmat exam. But don't you think I 've grown into distress already, because u see, it pains far lesser when the blood is still hot. I now feel like sharing my experiences and observations of the types that grace the metro. By the way , before I forget, it was the definition no.2 of extraordinary I was talking about, I knew you'd have guessed it already.

Here I go then, take your pick.

1. the just-out-of-gym-hunks : hmmm they are generally a busy lot, not having much time to talk to strangers. In a crowded metro though, they might arise a few wrinkles on your forehead my friend, as how packed the metro may be, they do and will take as much space as required to flaunt the right cuts, the exquisite formations and to present the most macho appearance to the girl sitting in front of them ( and reading 'history of cherrapunji') .
The song they sing ( those of them who have an equally good voice …rare though ) : " kuch hum mein aisi baatein hain jo sabme hain kahan"……from , u guessed it, the one and only, the stupendous 'Aap mujhe achhe lagne lage'.

2. the super-sophisticated-Stephen's-studying-lass : so I just wrote about miss 'history of cherrapunji' girl in the first part. Yess, she's the one I'm talking about now. This species while going till vishwavidyalaya has something about it that catches my imagination every time. They are either 'very confident of changing the society for the better' or 'let the society go to hell with all its hypocrisies' types. When some no-harm-intended-fool like me approaches them, scepticisms galore in there mind of such magnitudes that the CBI wouldn't have doubted chhota rajan's intentions so much, on second thoughts, infact I dun think CBI doubts Rajan at all. Coming back, at perceiving a faint sound of 'hello' from people like me, their eyes roll up in disgust, as if asking,' I know what u r upto, u cheapster from shyam lal evening college … reach college in the morning itself …keeping your parents in darkness'. And then after a moment, says, 'whats the matter'. The last time it happened I said, 'someone just lifted ur purse' she, at first, was more upset about me using the word purse and not handbag, until she realised a few seconds later what she had Lost.
Their song : must be something in english, but this evening college cheapster doesn't know many of them. Sorry, make it 'any of them'.

3. the newly committed 20something duo : invariably prefer the 2 seat set next to the train doors, where there's nobody else close enough to poke his/her nose. Clearly discomforted by the sheer number of commuters, they hardly look in any direction other than each other's face, apart from an occasional stare at the lafadi they notice has been staring at them for five minutes. There advice to the rest of the world , 'live and let live', pretty noble hmm.
And now for their song : ' yeh armaan hai shor na ho bas khamoshi ke mele ho, is duniya mein koi nahin ho hum dono hi akele ho', and yeah its from kamal hassan's 'Sagar'.

4. the security person : though seen in the metro trains just a little more often than camels in the Himalayas, I was among the select ones to witness them, as the security had been tightened considerably after the diwali terrorist attacks in a few Delhi markets. Leaves the task of observing passenger behaviour to lafadis like me, too much immersed in his own domestic problems. A 5-yr old kid sitting adjacent to him, suffering from loose-motions was persuading his father to get down at the next station, for obvious reasons. The yelling of the kid annoys this security man and he stares at this innocent in ashutosh rana style. Father jumps in to rescue, says, 'aahhh bete ko loose-motion hai'. Security man smiles quite mysteriously as if askin himself , 'should I be more worried about his loose-motions or my piles', and after further thoughts, says, 'I'll pray to god gimme his illness'. Kid's dad was all tears for his kindness.
And his song…..'mere pyar mein…mere intezar mein…sach sach kaho tumne kya kiya' from 'ram lakhan'.

5.the lafadi (include me here)- with nothing better to do, no muscles to flaunt, no books to read, no gf to be busy with, no illness to fight, these keep themselves busy with observing people and commenting on them to fellow lafadi. As there self proclaimed representative, I can proudly say we're the ones with the least problems. The only one I face in metro is people staring at me as if I am some militant when I board the metro with the cylindrical engg drawing sheet case ( luks as if it contains asla barood), and (this time not their mistake) the gun shaped drafter in its cover……..
Their song ? The Jagjit Singh classic…'samajhte the magar phir bhi na rakhi dooriyan humne'

6.7.8…. Aur bhi types hain agli post mein bataunga…..

Chalta hoon phir